Leap of Faith

Leap of faith. Definitions: (a) Doing something that's unsubstantiated by logic or reason; (b) Doing something that people call stupid (c) Doing something when only the God of history can save you from embarrassment.

My leap of faith will happen on 2.27.09. I will 'leap' in a recession/economic downturn/a time that parallels the Great Depression, some say.

I will quit my job.

I can remember one other time in my life when I took a leap of faith. Some years ago, I traveled overseas for the first time. On the itinerary were Trinidad and St. Maarten in the Caribbean. I was the typical, broke undergraduate student, but I'd begged my parents for pocket money and plane fare. The travel agent who booked the itinerary warned me to have no less than US$500 ready for customs at St. Maarten.

Before heading to St. Maarten, I attended the Wycliffe Bible Translation camp, in Trinidad and spent a few days with a newly-found friend who told me her mother and family wouldn't mind having me over. One night we attended a fundraising concert for a missionary who was heading to Africa on a short-term missions trip. As the offering plate passed me, I put US$10 in. I had exactly $500 for the St. Maarten leg. But as soon as I'd put that money in, I knew I'd offended God, even though no one prodded me to give more, and my $10 bill was probably the only US denomination in the offering plate. I wrestled with the idea of giving more for the rest of the concert and on my way home. Finally, I gave in and told my host to pass on the money to the young missionary - who just happened to stop by my friend's house that very evening.

I headed over to St. Maarten after leaving Trinidad, nervously. On the plane I met a dread locked Bajan who offered to be my boyfriend until I passed through customs. Somehow, if I'd said I was with him the mandatory $500 spending money imposed on me as a tourist would be waived. I really thought about it. Then I told him no. I don't know how I made it to Customs, because I was so nervous. I fully expected them to deport me. When the customs officer asked how much I had, I told her $400...and she let me through.

Per definition (a) above: my decision is illogical because we're in a recession where most people are holding on to their jobs, not quitting.

Per definition (b)above: I think at least one co-worker thinks I'm stupid. She said to me today,"What did you do that for?"--more than once. My answer of "It's just time", didn't make sense to her. About two weeks ago, when she heard I was leaving, she confessed that like me, she wasn't planning to stick around for much longer, but that she's hanging in for the sake of her young child. She must think that I'm stupid ... or at least lazy: I also have a child.

Per definition (c)above: I'm not left with many options. Other than sending out multiple resumes, with the hope that I'll find a more satisfying, less sedentary work, I don't have a 'bird-in-the-bush' job waiting on me when I quit next week. But I'm confident that the God of history will never put me to shame. My mantra these days is what King David echoed centuries ago in the Psalms (I'm paraphrasing it here)

"I've been young and now I'm old, but I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread"